So I get a phone call the other day and my mom is on the other end informing me that my father was going in to have yet another arteriogram on his heart to assess whether or not he had blockage in his arteries. Yes, my dad has a history of heart disease (he had his first heart attack at 39) but it never gets any easier to see him go in and know that there is a risk (getting smaller as technology improves, Thank God) that he won't come out!
Today was the day and I was waiting on the phone call to let me know the outcome. By the way, this is the first time I have not been able to be with my family during his heart procedures. My mom finally calls and tells me that he had blockage, they were taking care of it, and that he had to have more tests run in a couple of weeks because there was another artery that did not look good! On the upside, he was recovering fine and would get to go home soon!
Well, I would handle this better if I knew that my dad would do what it takes to ward off future attacks, but you see, my dad is in denial! I don't think he is trying to be stupid and careless with his life but I think he is human and does what we all do.... try to act like there is not a problem and hope that it goes away! This tends to make me really angry at him because I don't want to lose him sooner than I have to, but I am trying to evaluate if there is anything in my life I am in denial about. Usually when something in someone else angers you, it might just be a hint that you deal with the same thing in your own life.
As I am self-evaluating, I realize that there are so many ways that denial can inhibit life and the growing process. It could be "I don't have a TV addiction", "I can quit caffeine anytime I want to", "Our marriage is so good that there is no need to really work on it right now"! Those are just some personal ways of thinking that I have found can really interfere with my life and my marriage and I am sure there are a ton more. I've realized we all have our battles with denial, my dad just happens to deal with a real life/death issue. I am praying that I have the utmost compassion for his situation and God reveals to me how it feels to be in his shoes! I plan to apologize for not always being understanding.... I just don't want to lose my dad! I love him so much!
Please say a prayer for him if it crosses your mind!
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1 comment:
Alaina!! I hate not knowing things like this are going on in your life...you have to keep me better informed!
Tears came to my eyes while reading this. I can't imagine the feeling of knowing you can't do anything or be there for the procedure. I would feel the very same way...it's never easy to think of our parents are fragile..they're suppose to be our protectors and it hurts to know they are hurting etc.
I'm definitely praying for you and your family!
p.s. you should def. get the marriage book..it looks a little old fashioned but don't be deceived. The people who wrote it also wrote "To Raise up a Child" which I bet would be great as well!
Love you girl!
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